For many years I mistook the force of my personality, my natural ability to influence people, situations and decisions, for the unction of the Holy Spirit. If I perceived something to be right or true, or if it was in my view an issue of God’s will, then I mistakenly believed I should bring to bear the driving force of my soul (mind, will & emotions) behind the matter until truth was acknowledged or God’s will realised — bulldozer-fashion if necessary. My erroneous behaviour stole life from my family, my friends, my compatriots, and even my own heart. The reality is that Father doesn’t need my help; it’s His work; I’m just along for the ride — Beauty from Ashes…

Over the past three to four years, with gentle violence, Father has been confronting the force of my personality with the force of His. The final score was always inevitable, the fallout not pretty. Paul’s Damascus Road confrontation preceded a three-year stint in Arabia — wilderness, a dry place, a place of death; my experience has not been dissimilar. Yet in this place my heart is meeting the One who turns the shifting sands into pools of living water; in the context of our inner journey soulish strength is ultimately weakness, spiritual weakness is the key to truly living — sonship. The first man Adam (son) became a living soul, the second Adam (Son) a life-giving spirit… ‘Father deliver me into this place.’

To feed and to lead others from the soul is to feed them from our own flesh; I have done this. In the grave of my own brokenness the love of Papa is transforming the perishableinto the imperishable, the dishonourable into the glorious, weaknesses into strength, and ultimately the natural into the spiritual. This is not only His desire but His joy! He delights to create beauty out of our ashes.

In closing this portion, I present to you unfolding life, friendship, marriage and ministry, a dwelling place accessible to all who will adventure from and embrace the place of vulnerability. This joyous, peace-imbibed, hill-singing, tree-clapping life is the way of sons; whether on the mountaintops, down in the grave or anywhere between the two. For hearts to dwell in this reality is not dependent on outward circumstances but the inward continual manifestation of the Father’s love within a vulnerable heart:-

Is. 55:10-12 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.”

It’s what He is growing, speaking and accomplishing, not what I can say, implement or achieve according to my strength or ability, even in the transformation of my very self. I’d love to tell you I fully own but at the very least I know that I am seeing, the adventure continues…